Isn’t it amazing that, within only one week of Tiger Woods crashing his Escalade, the press found every woman with whom Tiger has had an affair during the last few years?
They even uncovered photos, text messages, recorded phone calls, etc.!
Furthermore, they not only know the cause of the family fight, but they even know it was a 9 iron from his golf bag that his wife used to break out the windows in the Escalade.
Plus each and every day, they were able to continue to provide America with updates on Tiger’s sex rehab stay, his wife’s divorce settlement figures, as well as the dates & tournaments in which he will play.
Now, Barack Hussein Obama has been in office for almost three years, yet this very same press:
- Cannot find any of his childhood friends or neighbors.
- Cannot find any of Obama’s high school or college classmates.
- Cannot locate any of his college papers or grades.
- Cannot determine how he paid for both a Columbia and a Harvard education.
- Cannot discover which country issued his visa to travel to Pakistan in the 1980′s.
- Cannot even find Michelle Obama’s Princeton thesis on racism.
They just can’t seem to uncover any of this. Yet, the public still trusts that same press to give them the whole truth?!
Don’t you find that totally amazing?
Well, it isn’t exactly February 2nd, now is it? But maybe this little guy didn’t know it either! Just after the Iowa Hawkeye Football game today, he was checking around the back yard looking for something to eat. He is a nice looking little fella, though! What do you think?
Some of you may not have heard of PJ O’Rourke. He’s a noteworthy American satirist. Kind of a present-day Mark Twain. Here’s a few of his “quotable quotes”. I think you’ll like him as much as I do!
- A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
- A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.
- After all, what is your host’s purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they’d have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
- Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
- America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
- Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
- Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
- Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
- Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.
- Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
- Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.
- Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
- Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.
- Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
- Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.
- Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
- Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
- If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
- If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat – in other words, turn you into an adult.
- If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you’ve read his autobiography.
- In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.
- Never fight an inanimate object.
- Never wear anything that panics the cat.
- Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God’s infinite mercy, a last resort.
- Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
- Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
- The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?
- The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.
- The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you’re rich.
- The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
- The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.
- The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
- There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
- There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.
- There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.
- There’s something about Marxism that brings out warts; the only kind of growth this economic system encourages.
- Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.
- When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
- You can’t get rid of poverty by giving people money.
- You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
- You may be surprised to discover you’re rich, especially if you’re broke.
In our local paper, the Muscatine Journal, there’s a section on the Opinion page called “Parting Shots” (thus the title of this entry). Here’s one Parting Shot that caught they eye of KC:
Neil Armstrong is hailed today on the anniversary of the moon landing. He’s from Ohio, just like the first man to orbit, John Glenn, and the first man to fly, Orville Wright, were from Ohio. It shows that no challenge is too great when a man is trying to get out of Ohio.
Ed McMahon died last week. Prior to his stage accomplishments he was a distinguished Marine Corps fighter pilot in WWII earning six Air Medals and attaining the rank of Colonel. He was discharged in 1946 and was later promoted to the rank of Brigadier General in the CA Air National Guard.
Farrah Fawcett died last week. After she was diagnosed with cancer, she became an activist for cancer treatment and devoted her last remaining years encouraging people to seek treatment. She documented her plight on film and used it to encourage others to stay positive and upbeat despite their diagnosis and suffering.
Michael Jackson died last week. He was perhaps one of the greatest singers of modern time. He will also be remembered for his eccentric lifestyle that included sleeping with a chimpanzee, living in a carnival-like atmosphere at Neverland, his fascination with Peter Pan, and his numerous masks and costumes. He also admitted to finding pleasure sleeping with young boys, paying out millions of dollars in settlements to the families of these boys despite being acquitted by a court on one allegation of sexual molestation.
QUESTION – Which of the above did the House of Representatives declare a moment of silence for? (Hint – It wasn’t the first two.)
QUESTION – Which of the above’s family received a personal note of condolence from President Obama? (Hint – It wasn’t the first two.)
– Thanks for this one, Mike.
In case you haven’t noticed (I didn’t until just a few minutes ago) today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day!! Woo Hoo!! That’s why this blog looks…. interesting.