August 29, 2011
This list of rules, known as “The Iowa Rules” will be handed to each person as they enter the great state of Iowa.
- That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you’ll do all week at the gym. How’d you like to go home and tell your momma you got your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?
- It’s called a ‘gravel road.’ No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
- We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
- Any references to “corn fed” when talking about our women will get your butt kicked…by our women.
- Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don’t cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13 inch trout you fish for…bait.
- Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
- Turn your cap right, your head ain’t crooked.
- If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.
- That’s right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid for one drink at the airport.
- The Hawkeyes and the Cyclones are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks…and a dang sight more fun to watch.
- No, there’s no “Vegetarian Special” on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
- Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
- You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
- You bring “Mary Jane” into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
- So you have a sixty thousand dollar car that you drive on weekends. We’re real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use three weeks a year.
- Let’s get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it’s red. We may even stop when it’s yellow.
- Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because they want to. So, you’re a feminist. Isn’t that cute.
- Yeah, we eat catfish, carp, and turtle too. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the bait shop.
- They are pigs. That’s what they smell like. Get over it. Don’t like it? Interstate 80 goes two ways – 35 goes the other two. Pick one.
- The “Opener” refers to the first day of pheasant season. It’s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. You can get breakfast at the church.
- So every person in every pick-up waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
- Yeah, we have golf courses. Don’t hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.
- No, we can’t shoot the doves. They’re song birds. Okay, even we feel a little stupid about that one.
Now, enjoy your visit. Just don’t overdue your stay – we have corn to plant so we can feed the world.
You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the bait shop…hahaha!
LOVE it! Same goes for Kansas too!