Well, at least let’s hope it’s the end of the season! The snow season, that is. And what goes on sale at the end of the snow season? That’s right, Martha! Snow throwers. Here’s what I got:

It’s a Troy-Bilt. It’s a quality brand. Got a friend Rick who’s had one for a while and he says his still runs like new. I got it at Lowe’s. KC and I were going in to look at sliding patio doors – ours need either replacing or reworking this summer – and saw this as we first entered. With the discounts the floor guy gave me on top of the marked down price, I ended up getting it for 25% off what the typical selling price was. I was looking for one, kind of, and this one fell into my lap, so I HAD to get it!!

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Now playing: Prism – Spaceship Superstar
via FoxyTunes

I was going through some old text files on my computer last night and found a few I’ll be posting over the next few days. Here’s the first one, titled “Computer Industry Related Light Bulb Jokes”:

Q: How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four hundred and seventy-two. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle…

Q: How many technical support personnel does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? OK. Now, exactly how dark is it? OK. There could be four or five things wrong… Have you tried the light switch?

Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We’ve formed a task-force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and to figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.

Q: How many beta testers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We just noticed the room was dark; we don’t actually fix the problem.

Q: How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. Two to hold the ladder and one to screw the bulb into the faucet.

Q: How many MIS guys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: MIS has received your request concerning your hardware problem and has assigned you request service number 39,712. Please use this number for any future reference to this light bulb issue.

Q: How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You’re still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you’d have to do is send a light-bulb-change message.

Q: How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The light bulb works fine in my office …

Q: How many shipping department guys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can change the light bulb in seven to ten working days, but if you call before 2 p.m., and pay an extra $15, we can get the light bulb changed overnight.

Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Steve Ballmer will just redefine Darkness(TM) as the new industry standard.

Q: How many service technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, and he does it very well, but there is that $85.00 non-refundable on-site service fee to consider . . .

Q: How many quality assurance techs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, and you’ll need a 48 hour burn-in, two hours of cool down, and a very thorough bench analysis of the new bulb so don’t expect to see either bulb for a week or so.

Q: How many receptionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Zero, well actually one, the one that tells the office manager about the light bulb problem in the first place.

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Listening to: Smashmouth – Can’t Get Enough Of You Baby
via FoxyTunes

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you , I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘Thank You’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you , I’m doing community service this week.’ The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a ‘Thank You’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I can not accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And THAT, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it. (Thanks, Ron!)

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Listening to: Kiss – Strutter
via FoxyTunes

So I’m at WalMart buying lunch and some snacks for tonight (we’re going to a trivia night for JDRF) and I’m walking to the back of WalMart where I can get some popcorn chicken. On the way I see this young one who is probably no older than 3 crawling on the floor, as pretty much every parent has seen their own 2 or 3 year old do. The parent then says, “Get off the floor!”

Excuse me? WHAT did you just say? How the heck can the child “get off the floor”? Does the child normally fly?

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher says, “Okay , but do not go in that field over there,” as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, ” Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. “See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? ”

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis bull……

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he’ll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs……

” Your badge. Show him your BADGE ! ”
(Thanks, Ron!)

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Listening to: Little Feat – Texas Twister
via FoxyTunes

OLD VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, “It’s Not Easy Being Green”.

ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, “We Shall Overcome”. Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper’s sake.

President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper’s plight.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is later found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and once peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Be careful how you vote in 2010.
(Thanks, Ron!)

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Listening to: Blues Brothers – Sweet Home Chicago
via FoxyTunes

That’s right, I’m losing it. This morning at church is my example. When we left from home, I brought along my “cheaters” – glasses I’ve had to wear to read small print (like in the hymnals at church) since my lasik surgery – in order to make a joyful noise. KC and I went in and sat down in the pew and I realized I had left my cheaters in my coat pocket. (Sign number one that I’m losing it – I should have remembered to bring them in with me!) So I got up and headed out to the coat rack where I had hung up my coat. I saw where I had hung up my coat and began searching the pockets – no cheaters! What the….???? Then I noticed a tissue in one of the pockets, and I don’t keep tissues in my coat pockets…. then I noticed that…. you guessed it…. IT’S NOT MY COAT! I mean really, how bad is that?! It was a leather coat, and was patent leather instead of suede, and was dark brown instead of black, but still… it wasn’t my coat! I did then see my coat, grab the cheaters and head back into the service, but MAN! I’m losing it!

One year ago, I had my Lasik surgery. One year ago, I went “under the laser” (as opposed to “under the knife”) and had my corneas reshaped. And I haven’t looked back.

• I LOVE the fact that I don’t have to put on glasses to read the clock in the morning.
• I LOVE the fact that I can see things at night while driving and not worry about dry contacts being blurry and scraping my cornea.
• I LOVE the fact that I don’t have to wear glasses (except for small print in bad light).
• I LOVE the fact that when my eyes get a bit tired I don’t have to pop out contacts and wear glasses – all I have to do is put a drop or two of Systane in my eyes.
• I LOVE the fact that I can walk in from the cold and not worry about glasses fogging up.
• I LOVE the fact that I can watch my drive in golf all the way to where it lands (that is without a slice or hook!!)
• I LOVE the fact that I don’t have to buy saline/daily cleaner/weekly enzyme for contacts.
• I LOVE the fact that I don’t have to buy prescription glasses.

For anyone out there who is considering Lasik surgery, I would recommend it wholeheartedly.