Now this is something I wish I could do.

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch, “Who’s on First?” might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
Costello: Thanks I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: No, the name’s Lou.
Abbott: Your computer?
Costello: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: I told you, my name’s Lou.
Abbott: What about Windows?
Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
Abbott: Do you want a computer with Windows?
Costello: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
Abbott: Wallpaper.
Costello: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
Abbott: Software for Windows?
Costello: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
Abbott: I just did.
Costello: You just did what?
Abbott: Recommend something.
Costello: You recommended something?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: For my office?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yes, for my office!
Abbott: I recommend Office with Windows.
Costello: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
Abbott: Word.
Costello: What word?
Abbott: Word in Office.
Costello: The only word in office is office.
Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows.
Costello: Which word in office for windows?
Abbott: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.
Costello: I’m going to click your blue ‘W’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: That’s right. What do you have?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: I need money to track my money?
Abbott: It comes bundled with your computer.
Costello: What’s bundled with my computer?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: Money comes with my computer?
Abbott: Yes. No extra charge.
Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
Abbott: One copy.
Costello: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?
Abbott: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
Costello: They can give you a license to copy money?
Abbott: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
Costello: How do I turn my computer off?
Abbott: Click on ‘START’…………..

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Listening to: Head East – Love Me Tonight
via FoxyTunes

Happy Birthday, Adam!

John is 63 years old and owns his own business. He is a life-long Republican and sees his dream of retiring next year is now all but gone. With the stock market crashing and all the new taxes coming his way, John knows he will be working for a good number more years.

John has a granddaughter, Ashley. She is a recent college graduate, drives a late model car, wears all the latest fashions, and also likes going out and eating out a lot. Ashley campaigned hard for Obama, and after he won the election she made sure her Grandfather (and all other Republican family members) received more than an earful on how the world is going to be a much better place now that Obama won the election.

Ashley recently found herself short of cash and could not pay her bills, again. As she has done many other times in the past, she emailed her Grandfather asking for some financial help. Here is his reply:

“Sweetheart, I am replying to your request for more money. Ashley, you know I love you dearly and am sympathetic to your financial plight. Unfortunately, times have changed. With the election of President Obama, your Grandmother and I have had to set forth a bold new economic plan of our own….the ‘Ashley Economic Plan’. Let me explain. Your grandmother and I are highly productive, wage-earning tax payers. As you know, we have lived a comfortable life and in return have forgone many things like fancy vacations, luxury cars, etc. We have worked hard and were looking forward to retiring soon. But this plan has changed. Your president is significantly raising our personal and business taxes. He says it is so he can give our hard earned money to other people. Do you know what this means, Ashley? It means less income for us. Less income means we must cut back on many business and personal expenditures.

One example is, we were forced to let go of our receptionist today. You know her. She always gave you candy when you visited my office. Did you know she worked for us for the past 18 years? I can’t afford her anymore. That is a taste of the business side.

Some personal economic effects of Obama’s new taxation policies include none other than you. You know very well that over the years your grandmother and I have given you thousands of dollars in cash, tuition assistance, food, housing, clothing, gifts, etc. By your vote, you have chosen another family over ours for help. Judging from your email requesting more money, I recommend you call 202-456-1111. That is the direct telephone number for the White House. You yourself repeatedly told me I was foolish to vote Republican. You said Mr. Obama is going to be the people’s president and is going to help every American live a better life. Based upon everything you have told me and things we heard from him as he campaigned, I am sure Mr. Obama will be happy to send a check or transfer money into your checking account. Have him call me for the transaction and account numbers, which by now I know by heart.

Perhaps you now can understand what I have been saying for all my life: those who vote for the president should consider what the impact of an election will be on the nation as a whole, and not just be concerned with what they can get for themselves (welfare, etc.). What Obama voters don’t seem to realize is all of the “government’s” money he is “redistributing” to illegal aliens and non-taxpaying Americans (deemed “less fortunate”) comes from tax money collected from income tax paying families. Remember how you told me, “Only the richest of the rich will be affected”? Guess what, honey? Because of our business, your Grandmother and I are now considered to be the richest of the rich. On paper, it might look that way. But in the real world, we are far from it. But, as you said while campaigning for Obama, some people will have to carry more of the burden so all of America can prosper. You understand what that means, right? It means that raising taxes on productive people results in them having less money. Less money for everything, including granddaughters.

Congratulations on your choice for “change”. For future reference, I encourage you to attempt to add up the total value of the gifts and money you’ve received from us over the years, and compare it to what you expect to get over the next four years from Mr. Obama.

Remember, we love you dearly… but from now on you’ll need to call the number referenced above when you need help.

Good luck, sweetheart.

Love,

Grandpa
(Thanks again, Ron!)
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Listening to: Cage The Elephant – Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked
via FoxyTunes

It is a slow day in the East Texas town of Madisonville.

It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich tourist from the East is driving through town.

He enters the only hotel in the sleepy town and lays a hundred dollar bill on the desk stating he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

As soon as the man walks up the stairs, the hotel proprietor takes the hundred dollar bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to pay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer then takes the $100 and heads off to pay his debt to the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmer’s Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has lately had to offer her “services” on credit.

The hooker runs to the hotel and pays off her debt with the $100 to the hotel proprietor, paying for the rooms that she had rented when she brought clients to that establishment.

The hotel proprietor then lays the $100 bill back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler from the East walks back down the stairs, after inspecting the rooms.

He picks up the $100 bill and states that the rooms are not satisfactory…… Pockets the money and walks out the door and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However the whole town is now out of debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is conducting business
today. (Thanks, Ron!)

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Listening to: Buckcherry – Too Drunk
via FoxyTunes

Happy Anniversary, Zach and Jessie!

Happy Anniversary, Al and Sue!

A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. Thought his picture had been taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he had not been speeding.

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly.

Again the camera flashed.

He thought this was quite funny, so he circled the block and drove past the area a third time, driving even more slowly.

Again the camera flashed.

He tried a fourth time with the same result.

The fifth time, he was laughing when the camera flashed as he drove by at a snail’s pace.

Two weeks later he got five traffic tickets in the mail for ….

In other words, “Why would anyone EVER use Internet Exploder?

My buddy at work sends me links to articles on MSNBC (or is it PMS-NBC, as Rush calls it?!) that are in his Outlook 2007 RSS feed, which I have deleted. Not that this article is of any importance, but it’s the content of the page. If you look at the two screen shots below, it’s obvious. Internet Exploder is awful at blocking ads; yeah, you can block about 75% of the pop-up and pop-under ads, but you can’t touch the in-line ads. Firefox, especially with the AdBlock Plus add-on, eliminates the pop-up, pop-under and in-line ads from all web pages. Why would you use Internet Exploder for anything except manually running Windows Update? (My answer is “I don’t know either”)

Firefox Screen Shot:    Internet Explorer Screen Shot: 

Just an observation about Microsoft‘s “It’s Better with Windows” web site. For those of you who don’t know what it’s about, here’s a breakdown:

Asus came out with it’s eee series of laptops that are small, light laptops that can’t use Windows Vista because they simply don’t have the horsepower. Originally they came out with a customized version of the Xandros OS – a Linux distribution. Now one can choose to have Windows XP installed on the laptops. The reason for the change is that Microsoft has changed its mind about the Windows XP end-of-life cycle because of the fiasco that is Vista and the fact that Windows Vista is not being adopted as readily Windows XP was.

Meanwhile, back at the observation of the web site….

It’s a really nice looking web site – nice graphics and all. However, their claims on the web page fall on deaf ears with me and here’s why. I liked the graphical background so I thought I’d download it to see if I could use it on web pages I develop. I can’t because the text on the page is actually on the graphic. Strange thing, though, when I checked the properties of the graphic I found that it was created with Photoshop CS4 (the latest version)….. on a MAC! (See the Properties Sheet) Once again proving that Microsoft is hypocritical. Why else would you slam Macs in your ads (I’m a PC; You find it, we’ll buy it; etc.) and then turn around and use it to create your marketing web site graphics – and possibly the entire site?

Anyone who has read my site for a while knows that I’m not exactly a fan of Microsoft. You can read this post and this post to see what I mean. IMHO, Microsoft’s products are “good enough” not great, especially their operating systems. Windows 7 is already vulnerable to the same exploits as Vista, XP, and NT; and yet Microsoft proclaims it to be all new and secure. As a friend of mine has said: “If you put lipstick and rouge on a pig, it’s STILL a pig.” By making a slick GUI, Joe User buys into the Microsoft marketing machine; those of us who peek under the hood and kick the tires know it’s just a paint job on the same old car.

So, to wrap it up, I’ll take the Xandros Linux laptop, please! It will compete for my time with the OpenSuSE Linux laptop I currently use at home.

The first testicular guard, known as the “cup”, was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.
(Thanks, Ron!)

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Listening to: Spatterdash – Vander Veer
via FoxyTunes

Happy Birthday, Zach!

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Listening to: Little Feat – Texas Twister
via FoxyTunes