I saw this on a reply thread for a blog out there:

Let me get this straight……we’re trying to pass a health care plan… written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn’t understand it,… passed by a Congress that hasn’t read it …but exempts themselves from it,… to be signed by a president that also hasn’t read it …and who smokes, …with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn’t pay his taxes,… all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, …and financed by a country that’s broke.

What could possibly go wrong?

Interesting indeed!

Happy Birthday, Buck!

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Listening to: Kenny Wayne Shepherd – Was
via FoxyTunes

For too long we have been too complacent about the workings of Congress. Many citizens had no idea that members of Congress could retire with the same pay after only one term; that they didn’t pay into Social Security; that they specifically exempted themselves from many of the laws they have passed (such as being exempt from any fear of prosecution for sexual harassment) while ordinary citizens must live under those laws.

The latest is to exempt themselves from the health care reform that is being considered…in all of its forms. Somehow, that doesn’t seem logical. We do not have an elite that is above the law. I truly don’t care if they are Democrat, Republican, Independent or whatever. The self-serving must stop. This is a good way to do that. It is an idea whose time has come.

Ask each person contact a minimum of Twenty people on their address list, in turn ask each of those to do likewise. In three days, most people in The United States of America will have the message. This is one proposal that really should be passed around.

Proposed 28th Amendment to the United States Constitution:

Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators and/or Representatives; Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators and/or Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the United States

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Listening to: Theory Of A Deadman – Bad Girlfriend
via FoxyTunes

• You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
• You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
• You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
• You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.
• You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
• You cannot build character and courage by taking away people’s initiative and independence.
• You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves.

……..Abraham Lincoln

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Listening to: Weezer – Pork & Beans
via FoxyTunes

Happy Birthday, KC!

You are my life, my one true love, my soul mate. I thank God each day for the blessing he has granted me in you.

Hacking Through the Jargon Jungle

I’ve worked in a computer company for the last few years, I’ve gained an insider’s perspective. I’ve decided to share my knowledge with the uninitiated by creating the following brief, handy glossary:

Alpha

Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for “doesn’t work.”

Beta

Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it’s released. Beta is Latin for “still doesn’t work.”

Computer

Instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger “Duffy” Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to overthrow Adolf Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered his invention as a gift to the surly dictator. The plot worked. On April 8, 1945, Adolf became so enraged at the “Incompatible File Format” error message that he shot himself. The war ended soon after Hitler’s death, and Duffy began working for IBM.

CPU

Central propulsion unit. The CPU is the computer’s engine. It consists of a hard drive, an interface card and a tiny spinning wheel that’s powered by a running rodenta gerbil if the machine is a 286, a ferret if it’s a 386, a ferret on speed if it’s a 486 and a Tazmanian devil with a scalpel in its scrotum if its a Pentium.

Default Directory

Black hole. Default directory is where all files that you need disappear to.

Error message

Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for the program’s shortcomings.

File

A document that has been saved with an unidentifiable name. It helps to think of a file as something stored in a file cabinetexcept when you try to remove the file, the cabinet gives you an electric shock and tells you the file format is unknown.

Hardware

Collective term for any computer-related object that can be kicked or battered.

Help

The feature that assists in generating more questions. When the help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from without learning anything.

Input/Output

Information is input from the keyboard as intelligible data and output to the printer as unrecognizable junk.

Interim Release

A programmer’s feeble attempt at repentance.

Memory

Of computer components, the most generous in terms of variety, and the skimpiest in terms of quantity.

Printer

A joke in poor taste. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

Programmers

Computer avengers. Once members of that group of high school nerds who wore tape on their glasses, played Dungeons and Dragons, and memorized Star Trek episodes; now millionaires who create “user-friendly” software to get revenge on whoever gave them noogies.

Reference Manual

Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.

Scheduled Release Date

A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it.

User-Friendly

Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to a programmer.

Users

Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor. Users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert:

Novice Users

People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.

Intermediate Users

People who don’t know how to fix their computer after they’ve just pressed a key that broke it.

Expert Users

People who break other people’s computers.

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Listening to: Wreckless Eric – Whole Wide World
via FoxyTunes

Twelve Tips from Employees to Managers on How to Enhance the Relationship

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it’s really a “rush job,” run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors is good training.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could cost me a promotion.
8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. If fact, save them until the job is almost done.
10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate.

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Listening to: Screaming Trees – Nearly Lost You
via FoxyTunes

Just in case some of you young whippersnappers (& some older ones) didn’t know this. It’s easy to check out, if you don’t believe it.

Be sure and show it to your kids. They need a little history lesson on what’s what and it doesn’t matter whether you are Democrat or Republican. Facts are Facts!!!

Our Social Security

Franklin Roosevelt, a Democrat, introduced the Social Security (FICA) Program. He promised:

• That participation in the Program would be Completely voluntary. (No longer Voluntary)
• That the participants would only have to pay 1% of the first $1,400 of their annual Incomes into the Program. (Now 7.65% on the first $90,000)
• That the money the participants elected to put into the Program would be deductible from their income for tax purposes each year. (No longer tax deductible)
• That the money the participants paid would be put into an independent ‘Trust Fund’ rather than into the general operating fund and would only be used to fund the Social Security Retirement Program and no other Government program. The fund would have covered Social Security payments for 100+ years. (Under Johnson the money was moved to The General Fund and Spent.)
• That the annuity payments to the retirees would never be taxed as income. (Under Clinton & Gore up to 85% of your Social Security can be taxed)

Since many of us have paid into FICA for years and are now receiving a Social Security check every month and then finding that we are getting taxed on 85% of the money we paid to the Federal government to ‘put away’. You may be interested in the following:

Q: Which Political Party took Social Security from the independent ‘Trust Fund’ and put it into the general fund so that Congress could spend it?
A: It was Lyndon Johnson and the democratically controlled House and Senate.

Q: Which Political Party eliminated the income tax deduction for Social Security (FICA) withholding?
A: The Democratic Party.

Q: Which Political Party started taxing Social Security annuities?
A: The Democratic Party, with Al Gore casting the ‘tie-breaking’ deciding vote as President of the Senate, while he was Vice President of the US.

Q: Which Political Party decided to start giving annuity payments to immigrants?
A: That’s right! Jimmy Carter and the Democratic Party. Immigrants moved into this country and at age 65 began to receive Social Security payments! The Democratic Party gave these payments to them, even though they never paid a dime into it, in order to get their votes!

Then, after violating the original contract (FICA), the Democrats turn around and tell you that the Republicans want to take your Social Security away!

And the worst part about it is uninformed citizens believe it! (Thanks, Ron!)

Well, at least let’s hope it’s the end of the season! The snow season, that is. And what goes on sale at the end of the snow season? That’s right, Martha! Snow throwers. Here’s what I got:

It’s a Troy-Bilt. It’s a quality brand. Got a friend Rick who’s had one for a while and he says his still runs like new. I got it at Lowe’s. KC and I were going in to look at sliding patio doors – ours need either replacing or reworking this summer – and saw this as we first entered. With the discounts the floor guy gave me on top of the marked down price, I ended up getting it for 25% off what the typical selling price was. I was looking for one, kind of, and this one fell into my lap, so I HAD to get it!!

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Now playing: Prism – Spaceship Superstar
via FoxyTunes

I was going through some old text files on my computer last night and found a few I’ll be posting over the next few days. Here’s the first one, titled “Computer Industry Related Light Bulb Jokes”:

Q: How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four hundred and seventy-two. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle…

Q: How many technical support personnel does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? OK. Now, exactly how dark is it? OK. There could be four or five things wrong… Have you tried the light switch?

Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We’ve formed a task-force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and to figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.

Q: How many beta testers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We just noticed the room was dark; we don’t actually fix the problem.

Q: How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. Two to hold the ladder and one to screw the bulb into the faucet.

Q: How many MIS guys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: MIS has received your request concerning your hardware problem and has assigned you request service number 39,712. Please use this number for any future reference to this light bulb issue.

Q: How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You’re still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you’d have to do is send a light-bulb-change message.

Q: How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The light bulb works fine in my office …

Q: How many shipping department guys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can change the light bulb in seven to ten working days, but if you call before 2 p.m., and pay an extra $15, we can get the light bulb changed overnight.

Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Steve Ballmer will just redefine Darkness(TM) as the new industry standard.

Q: How many service technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, and he does it very well, but there is that $85.00 non-refundable on-site service fee to consider . . .

Q: How many quality assurance techs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, and you’ll need a 48 hour burn-in, two hours of cool down, and a very thorough bench analysis of the new bulb so don’t expect to see either bulb for a week or so.

Q: How many receptionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Zero, well actually one, the one that tells the office manager about the light bulb problem in the first place.

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Listening to: Smashmouth – Can’t Get Enough Of You Baby
via FoxyTunes

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you , I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘Thank You’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you , I’m doing community service this week.’ The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a ‘Thank You’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I can not accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And THAT, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it. (Thanks, Ron!)

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Listening to: Kiss – Strutter
via FoxyTunes

So I’m at WalMart buying lunch and some snacks for tonight (we’re going to a trivia night for JDRF) and I’m walking to the back of WalMart where I can get some popcorn chicken. On the way I see this young one who is probably no older than 3 crawling on the floor, as pretty much every parent has seen their own 2 or 3 year old do. The parent then says, “Get off the floor!”

Excuse me? WHAT did you just say? How the heck can the child “get off the floor”? Does the child normally fly?